A Shattered Life

The year of the rat is a very challenging year for me and my family. The problem started in the last quarter of 2007 and it changed our lives completely. And just like the global economy, our fate turned from bad to worse in the early months of 2008. It’s a tragedy of an unimaginable magnitude. Our simple but happy life suddenly turned into a miserable one. It has brought us in different geographical locations and problems too much to bear.

We are far from solving it but we will sure get there. I’ll be waiting be waiting that moment when we can say that the storm is over and look back to all things that happened and gone. I’ll wait for the moment when me and my family come together in one place. I’m longing to taste that kind of happiness that was lost from us because of bad business decisions that could have been avoided.

But as I have said, the light will come again. In his time…

It’s been two days since I started not feeling well. Last Sunday, I can feel my throat and I know something is amiss. I took my vitamis and drank a lot of liquid but it’s already too late. I have cough and phlegm. Thankfully, no common colds yet but I was worried last night because I though I have fever.

Luckily, I felt better the following morning and only then that I realized that I did not have any serious illness for the whole year. For several years, I always get a flu at least once in a year. I was down three to four days in a row and now, 2008 is already closing and did not encounter any. Not that I want to but I’m thankful that God has spared me for this year. It’s just too costly to get sick.

On a separate note, cough syrup is a prescription medicine here in Singapore for some reason. That means you cannot buy it over the counter without a prescription from a medical doctor. And if you do, that’s at least $30 and the doctor will tell you, “Drink a cough medicine, here’s the prescription.” Even if I have money to bring myself to the doctor, I’ll have second thoughts if I visit a polyclinic. But I don’t have money so I won’t.

For now, I still drink a lot of liquids(water, juice, milo). I think I was able to slow down the cough and hopefully, it goes away in a few days. I think this was due to the sudden drop in temperature brought about by cold weather from the north which is basically the same as what is felt in the Philippines during these times. Let’s just hope that a couple of calamansi(philippine lime) juice will solve this in no time.

P.S.

For those who care, I’m not dying yet. So don’t be scared that I won’t be able to pay off your investment.

It’s sounds like a cliche but time really passes by so fast. Today is our third wedding anniversary. It feels like it was only yesterday. It really do.

In between those three years, we went through a lot of challenges. We had our ups and downs. We’ve seen the good times, the better, the bad and of course, the worse. It’s a rollercoaster ride and a real test of the “for better or for worse” of our wedding vows.

But despite all the challenges, the blessings of the Lord is still outpouring. All we have to do is keep our eyes open. As I have said, we’ve seen better times and we might be at a low point these days, we nevertheless believe that good times are coming. There’s a lot to be thankful and more than anything, what’s important is we are still in each other’s arms.

So I ask you, my dear friends, to continue to pray for us.

In this three-part series, I’ll share with you a topic in the monthly newsletter of my current employer. I feel that it is important that I impart it with you… yes, the few of you who reads this blog. And in this Christmas season, it is a just and rightful time for us to learn to be grateful with all the blessings given to us.

Gratitude, Life Changing Action

The article is about the “Tremendous Ways That Gratitude Can Change Your Life”. It’s one simple and easy action that we often take for granted. Gratitude is a such a simple and small act but when incorporated into our life, it transforms us. And as the article puts it,

It is amazing how one simple, easy, positive action can change so much in a person’s life.

Be Grateful With What You Have

I know it happens a lot to us but have you ever looked around you and bemoaned how little you have? How the place you live isn’t your dream house, or the car you drive isn’t really the one you like, or your peers have cooler gadgets like iPhone 3G, or your neighbor have better jobs? If so, that is an opportunity to be grateful for what you already have.

I’ll remind you why. When you already have all these things or any one of those I mentioned, you must remember that there are billions of people worse off than you. There’s millions and millions of people who don’t have even have a shelter for the night and cold weather. There are people who are struggling to get clothes to protect them from the elements. A lot of us don’t own car and many of us never will. Some people don’t own a gadget or even know what one is. Just look around you and you’ll see people who don’t even have a job at all or if they have, very menial and miserable.

So before you complain of how hard your current workload is, compare your life to that street vendor where you buy your cigarette. For sure, you will realize that what you have is already more than enough. You just don’t appreciate it much because we live in a society where we are conditioned to always be striving for more; for bigger and better things. But when will we find happiness? As my mother tells me, happiness is not a destination, it is in you because happiness is the road. We just don’t realize it and to do that, we need to start by being thankful with what we already have.

I’d like to share with one of the short stories imparted to us by one of the speakers as part of the latest Information Systems Communication Session a couple of weeks ago. I forgot the name mentioned and we were not informed of the author so please bear with me if I changed the story as told. I’m retelling the story with the best of my memory.

The King and His Trusted Servant

Once upon a time, there was a King named Lim Ah Hong and he has a trusted servant friend named Lin Feng. The king loves to hunt in the forest and he always tag along Lin Feng who willingly and happily oblige. The servant carries and loads the gun while Lim Ah Hong will fire the shot. Ling Feng occasionally fires the guns, too. No wonder they enjoy what they are doing.

However, in one of their hunting trips, tragedy struck. The gun misfired which at that early age of the weapon, is very common. Unfortunately, the accident severed Lim Ah Hong’s finger and since Lin Feng is the one who prepares the gun, he thought it was him who is to blame. The king is very furious with his servant and sent him to prison. The poor guy cannot do anything as it was the king who sent him there.

But the tragedy did not stop the king from his favorite past time. And even without his buddy, he goes alone hunting. Unfortunately, another tragedy struck. In one of his lone hunting trips, he was captured by the cannibals in the wilderness. They brought the king in their village and he was readied for a feast.

But in the process of preparing the for a meal, they noticed that he has a missing finger. The cannibals, being superstitious, believe that a person who has missing finger is not fit for eating. They believe that if they eat a man with missing finger, bad luck and tragedy will come upon them. In the end, they let Lim Ah Hong, leave their village almost unscathed afraid of getting the bad luck that comes with the king.

With the unexpected and fortunate scape from sure death brought about by his injury, the king is very happy and thankful with his servant who he believes is the cause of the accident. Immediately, he set his friend free and summoned him to his court.
And he said to him, “I must thank you for had you not cause my injury, I would have been eaten by the cannibals. I am very sorry if I sent you to prison“. But to his astonishment, Lin Feng replied, “No, your majesty. I should be the one who must be thankful to you” The startled king then ask, “But why? I sent you to prison and given you undue harm” Lin Feng replied, “My king, had you not sent me to prison, I would be with you when the cannibals captured you. And I would have been the one eaten!”

Reflections

It’s one of my current favorite short stories. Some of you may find the story funny and amusing but beside that, it shows us that everything happens for a reason. Everything is part of the grand plan that God himself engineered. But whether we admit it or not, we take him for granted most of the time as the first thing we do is to gripe and whine every time we encounter trials.

For all we know, every problem that comes are way are just trials to test your wit and mettle. As in these challenges, we find Him and appreciate his blessings. All we need to is just hang on.

I have been using VMWare for several years and find it very useful especially on my former field of work. As our team was supporting several countries with multiple applications, virtualization is definitely like a gift from heaven. It solved the problem in hardware and space as we can have multiple virtual environments on our PCs and laptops.

On a more personal note, I created separate VM for my wife (oracle) and for me (sql server + visual basic). A separate VM was also created for Linux(no more dual boot) which I use to familiarize myself with that OS (linux/unix is now a necessity on my new job). So imagine, I all have these in one box and virtualization allows me to be more flexible. And the backup? Never been easier. I can backup the whole environment and not just the data. And yes, I can bring the virtual image in another PC and use it there. Easy, eh!

And something that good can’t be free, right? Wrong! You can download a free version of VMWare free of charge. Of course, the free version has a lot of limitations (like creating your own image) but it just do its job. But despite that limitation, you can freely download virtual images from the internet. I download thoughtpolice images as their torrent feeds are fast while I use an image I created from my former office laptop installed with the paid version of VMWare.

But there’s a problem with VMWare, its footprint is heavy and large. Aside from that, you will not be able to adjust the size of your virtual harddisk unless you go for the paid version. The more you become dependent on it, the more you want to buy a license.

And then comes VirtualBox from Sun. A GNU/GPL Licensed(FREE) virtualization system that has a very small footprint (it installs on 30MB of HD) and you’ll get everything what a VMWare Workstation offers. It adds more flexibility and starts faster. And since it comes from Sun, you can count on its quality. It’s simply awesome!

errr… for the very few that reads my blog, you may not really need it. But who knows, you may need it for some reason.

Last Friday, Oct 31, the whole Information Services department of my current employer had its quarterly meeting. It’s like a townhall meeting that is done to update the employees on where the group (and the company in general) is heading. I must admit that I was awed with what was presented by head of the department(Alex) and his deputy(David).

The activity was opened, as usual, by Alex with a inspiring story and then together with David, they gave us a sneak preview…. no, a considerably detailed preview, of the things to come the organization. Unlike the previous meeting, the duo has presented a coherent plan on where to bring the organization. It embodies the SMART planning which is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Based.

Foremost of the plan is the implementation of critical success factors. Some of them were already implemented and basically, there’s much to be done. And I was impressed with how they embedded work-life balance in the plan. They clearly laid out what they want to achieve, how to achieve it, and how all the stakeholders(especially employees) will benefit from it. There’s also a mention of salary and benefit adjustments though it was also stated that based on the latest studies, the company is still on top percentile rank in terms of employee compensation and they plan to continue to be there.

I hope I can get a copy of the slides presented by David and share some of them with you. I also didn’t get the chance to jot it down as I was afraid that I miss something with what David is telling us. But one important part of the Critical Success Factors presented is the need to change. The need to break the status quo. We need to challenge ourselves to continue to perform better and provide better value to the needs of the company and its customers.

This type of townhall meeting is one of the things what my former employer failed to deliver to the employees. Yes, they tried but I think they need to try harder. MG tried and continues to try but the culture in the company is a big stumbling block getting on his way.

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Rant 1:
Oh well, I don’t know why but on my first year with my former employer, they had this Project Unison that was implemented with Accenture. It involved sweeping changes in the processes that did not sit well with the ‘veterans’, especially the whiners. It’s a pain in the ass but in the end, it made us perform better. We delivered tangible results to our customers and put us on our toes all the time. It was an endless step up but it helped put us in a better shape and ready to face the world. After all, the best practices implemented help the organization achieve CMMI level 1. And though they did not apply for higher level of certification, I think they already achieve that. It’s just that they have to maintain what they achieved and continue to step up because clearly, there’s much more that can be done. I say ‘They’ because I’m no longer part of that organization.

And guess what, my current employer is going into that direction (CMMI) in the next few months. Luckily, I am better prepared. Oh, did I tell you that I’m working with Accenture right now? They are the vendor for the CRM project and as part of the participation of the company in the project, they lent some of their IT staff. That included me. And yes, I’m reporting to an Accenture manager.

Rant 2:
I remember in one of the “coffee meeting with the GM” in my previous employer, the HR manager revealed that they want to be at the 70% percentile rank in compensation. According to them, the company is at the 90+% level and the management isn’t happy with that. That meant less increase and less benefits. And here in my employer in Singapore, the company want to stay at the top and keep their employees happy. I’m not basking my former employee but I’m just presenting a fact.

I’m not feeling well today. I know, bawal magkasakit but maybe I’m just feeling down (because of one investor wanting a bigger cut despite having the largest cut) or maybe it’s just a case of common colds. I don’t know but I’m hoping that everything goes well tomorrow.

I got headache now and feels like I’ll be getting a fever. I took my vitamins and will be heading to bed early tonight. I also realized that for this year, I did not encounter having fever of flu yet. In the past years, it always happen to me. Hopefully, it won’t come this year. Getting sick here in Singapore is costly.

Oh, the other big reason why I don’t want to get sick is the fact that I’ll need to take a medical leave. It’s ok if I’ll just file it but I still have to pay the doctor(GP) at least $30 for that mandatory medical certificate. That’s a lot of money for me. Also, I have unfinished critical task in the office and that would be a big black mark on my “report card” if I don’t finish it on Monday. It may not cost my job but definitely will have impact on my performance evaluation.

For sure, it won’t sit well with my investors. No job means no payment for them (which I feel is what’s only important). I’m glad to say that I’m not dying yet. So please don’t panic. Otherwise, you won’t be hearing from me, right?

Reflecting on my current financial woes, I realized just how greedy some of my so called friends are. Apparently, they don’t exactly know what investment means. They didn’t realize that when investing money, it’s not like placing your money in a regular savings and getting them back as you please. All they see is the agreed interest flowing back to their coffers without a concern on the health and status of the company they are investing in. Heck, they don’t even care if the people who runs the company are still eating or not or if they are still alive or not.

These people don’t realize that no investment is risk free. Even government bonds are not free from risk. Experts only say that it’s ‘virtually risk-free’ but never free. How much more with a small company. And it turns out that they don’t really care if the clients are not paying or not. I hate to say it but they don’t care at all.

What happened now is that they will get all their money back with all the interest.As a matter of fact, a number of them is already paid up including interest. I have to do that because since I consider them friends, I cannot fail them. They entrusted their money to my sister’s company through me and I take responsibility for that.

But let’s say that they bought those minibonds from Lehman which was also sold as “low-risk” investments by their agents. Or what if they bought AIG shares at its peak since most of them are AIG employees anyway. What would then be their reaction if they learn that AIG shares lost 95% of its value while Lehman’s minibond disappears into the air. I don’t know but aren’t they happy that aside from raking in interests, they will also get their money back?

And here I am, working day and night to pay for their investment. Some of you may say that I’m stupid to pay them but I gave my word. I want to keep my word that at the very least, I’ll pay back their principal. But some are just plain greedy and stupid. And yes, we were all stupid.

You just don’t know what it feels hanging in the air. That’s what exactly what I feel for almost a year now.

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A friend has asked me lately what keeps me afloat. I simply told him that it’s Faith. And it does not simply take me afloat but it drives me. At times of despair, you can feel the love of the Lord far more than when you live an easy life. You appreciate every little things and take inspirations on stories of other people.

One source of inspirational stories is Bo Sanchez’ blog and one my favorites there is the The Best is Yet To Come. Below is a quote from the article.

We lose our jobs, we lose our loved ones, we lose our money, we lose our friends… And sometimes, we wait and wait for the pain to go away, for the loss to be recovered. Sometimes, we wait for a long time. (Yane and Beni had to wait for two long years.)

But in the end, I believe that God has prepared the very best blessing for you.

What I realized from this article are two important things. One is to keep the faith. That will keep you sane and get going and a lot more. Just hang on and you will be rewarded later. Another thing is to be specific on what you are asking. We know that God is all-knowing but I think He also want us to know what we want. We just ask God to fix our problems. But do we tell God how we want it fixed? More often than not, we just blindly pray for solution on the problem without even thinking what we really want. You can’t just ask God to give you money. But you may ask God to give you a help you find a better job so that you can earn more. Or you can ask Him to make your company to earn more so that your boss may give you a bonus.

In the featured story, Yane and her kids just did that. And they were blessed with something more than they asked for.

To read the full article, go to http://bosanchez.ph/the-best-is-yet-to-come

By the way, Bo Sanchez will be conducting seminars in Singapore. You can read about it in http://filipinosg.com/event-and-sale/54-workshops-and-seminars/143-bo-sanchez